Saturday, August 19, 2017

I'm such a control freak!But i'm done now.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh
Hey you!

Yesterday night was bae, I lay in bed contemplating on life’s strange ways, completely oblivious of the rest of the world. The fairy lights hanging on my walls along with SZA’s new album CTRL provided the perfect ambiance for me to get perfectly intimate with my feelings. And so as a result, yesterday’s dishes are comfortably sitted in the kitchen sink and counter, glaring at me condescendingly as they normally do. But at this point in time, I don’t really care as much. I don’t want to care as much about people the dishes and their need to constantly judge my inability to handle…well…adulting. I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that the dishes can patiently await their bath time as I do much more important things like update my blog, and get in touch with my virtual friends.

July was quite the tumultuous month for me. Emotionally, I’ve been quite volatile and uneasy, stemming from the fact that I simply couldn’t seem to get it together. Like I’ve said before, the dynamics of my life have definitely changed; which isn’t anything out of the ordinary because life is a story of evolution. If there’s anything constant about it it’s that it’s always changing; which may well be obvious but what a weighty matter for me to grasp. My realization is that as much as I anticipate change, I expect it to arrive gradually and gracefully where I’m able to let it land on my worn out fingers like a pretty fluttering butterfly on a warm sunny day. However when I snap back to reality, it dawns on me that change is more often drastic, inelegant and clumsy.

I think that’s why I lack in the hospitality department. I don’t entirely hate the idea of entertaining guests; in fact I could even say I highly enjoy it. But only a few a time and it has to be premeditated, in the sense that I was informed prior to the arrival of the guests, so that I can prepare, mentally and…well mostly mentally. But I guess lately I’ve been learning that the world isn’t going to come to an end if the dishes are comfortably sitted in the sink waiting. The world isn’t on fire if the food you cooked turned out too salty or didn’t even turn out at all and thus you had to throw it all out. Life goes on even after embarrassing moments like unexpected guests walking into an abyss of unorganized and messy glory. Such is life, stop trying to control every second of it and make everything so perfect. Stop trying to be so perfect; Stop letting every single thing that goes wrong turn you into an explosive, unpredictable beast. Learn to chill out.

My mom keeps dishing out these tablets of wisdom (very hard to swallow) every time I mess shit up, which happens more often than I would want to admit, unintentionally of course. What’s astonishing is how it always adds up to what a failure of a wife I’m going to be. And to be honest, this hurts me to the depths of my soul, partly because some part of me feels like her words are spot on. I mean, my mom managed to raise two kids by herself, build a house, send those kids to great schools, always put food on the table and all the while make it look like a walk in the park. And did I mention that she still wakes up early as hell, cooks and cleans and still has time to chill I MEAN COME ONNNNN!!!Meanwhile here I am looking like a hot damn mess. Ugh.

Simultaneously, the other part of me feels that the reason I feel so hurt by her words is that I feel utterly betrayed by them. I feel like I just sincerely vented for hours to my best friend about how exhausted I am and she simply retorted with a ‘get over it.’ Because I honestly feel like I work extremely hard, only for all my efforts to be completely disregarded. Giving my all at work, at home and still trying to maintain my loves of blogging and Youtube at the same time find time for a social life, self care and not forgetting sleep? It’s exhausting and not to mention extremely overwhelming having to constantly convince yourself that yes, you will do amount to something, you are working your ass off and hell yeah you’ll make one hell of a wife. As tempestuous and ungraceful as you are, you are worth it and you will find someone who appreciates that.

For the longest time, I was so resentful towards my mom for making me feel so inadequate and even more resentful towards myself because a part of me felt it to be true. So there I was lashing out at every living creature that dare look my way, stressed out of my mind as if the world would come to an end if I just accepted that you know what, I’m not my mum. I’m not that girl who has their shit together every second of everyday. Hell maybe I’m not even as strong as the average female but that’s ok, because that’s me, that’s my pace, that’s my healthy state of mind. And so if I need to take a day or two to find my way or catch my breath, that’s freaking ok, we all need to do what we need to do. And guess what? The world will keep on moving just like it aways does, even when the dishes are perfectly dumped in the sink, and life isn’t as perfect as we wanted it to be. In any case, perfection is overrated.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Shop Cheap Look Rich #SCLR Episode 1: Why I Love to Thrift!

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh.
Hey Guys!!!😘


First of all I love the hunt. I’m aware that may sound somewhat strange but in all honesty I find the whole process of going to Kongowea or Toi market and ploughing through crowds of people and piles of clothes quite thrilling. To some extent, it reminds me of the treasure hunts we used to play back in the day, so we could say it ignites some level of reminiscence. Moreover, you honestly never know what kind of treasures you’ll find!

All the stuff you get is unique. I’m the type of person who loves to wear pieces that are very distinctive because I feel that it helps to make your style more personalized. That Kenya Uniform life is just not for me, unless it’s Supreme then I’m all about it; can you blame me?
These Charles David platform shoes remind me of Lizzie Mcguire😊

It’s cheap; it’s that plain and simple! I know the word cheap has a negative connotation in today’s society because it generally means you're poor or as I like to say, struggling (which I am if we're being honest). But honestly there is no shame in admitting that you cannot afford a particular item, there’s no shame in living within your means, especially when you’re young and cannot afford to be spending all your money on expensive sh!t. It simply means you’re being responsible. Furthermore, even when you get to that level where you can afford to buy expensive sh!t, you might still want to go thrifting because it’s convenient and you get to save the extra cash. And who doesn’t like to save?
Converse cause I'm basic 🙋
Most items are high quality (if you know how to pick ‘em) and in good condition. I can honestly say that a lot of the items I thrift are usually of really good quality and thus last a lifetime if taken well care of. And when they don’t last as long as you expected them to, it doesn’t hurt as much because you didn’t spend a fortune on them! It’s truly the best deal ever.
I'm not into brands but...Clarks anyone?
Thrifting allows you get creative and expressive with your style. Mtumba Hawkers and stalls are notorious for some pretty intricate and peculiar pieces. Compare that to stores which most of the time will hold clothing items that are trending in the mainstream fashion industry, which we could say leads one to conform rather than express.

These Airwalk slip on shoes are the most comfortable inventions ever!
While I do understand the paradox that surrounds second hand clothing and African economies in terms of the decline of African clothing industries, I believe there is a middle path to be found such that thrifting markets and local clothing industries can co-exist in harmony. I know I got a little bit ‘International relations' there but…yeah, it was my major can you blame me?

Where my laptop lives lately because I have to carry it to work, lol my life.
All items copped for less than Ksh.600 cumulatively at Kongowea Market Mombasa. 

So, what do you guys think about thrifting? Is it a hell yeah or a hell to the naw naw? Personally, i think it's a hell yeah. Atleast until I can afford to chop money left right and centre!


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

I am Me, and I am Shameless.

 Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh!
Hello my loves!

Lately I’ve been thinking quite abit about life-my life, my present, past and what I want for myself in the future. I’ve been contemplating upon the concept of being fierce and living life bravely and boldly. However I do have to say that although this ‘press pause and reflect’ mode was activated greatly by the circumstances I was in, it was also highly inspired by Shameless Maya. If you don’t know who she is, you should definitely check out her channel and ruminate in all she’s about!

I’ve been watching Maya’s videos since forever, and I even remember showing one of her inspirational videos about being fearless and going for the gold in an entrepreneurship conference that I was spearheading. To me Maya isn’t just another Youtuber I watch, rather a mentor, an advisor, an influencer and one of my biggest inspirations. Her story is truly inspiring and I'm sure most of you will find it quite ravishing.

However it’s only recently when I seriously sat down and thought about her message and brand, ‘Be shameless.’ Although I’ve been watching her for ages and hearing the ‘be shameless’ mantra over and over again, it’s only a few days ago when I genuinely understood what she meant and hence decided that from now on, I would be Shameless, fearless, bold, brave and fierce in the pursuit of what makes me happy.

From back in the day when I was still yungin’ (lol is that even a thing), I remember always desperately trying to seek the approval of others. I was always worried that I wasn’t good enough and would ultimately disappoint one or the other. I got myself into bad company because I was too scared to say no, too afraid of what my ‘friends’ would think. I compromised my ideas and views because I was afraid of upsetting the status quo. But the most unfortunate part of it all is that I let people talk me out of my dreams and convince me that what they wanted for me was what I wanted. And for the longest time I walked my path careful not to upset anyone; neither my friends nor my family, yet all along I was upsetting myself. But that wasn’t important because I wasn’t important, I wasn’t a priority.

I vividly recall during a Parent teacher meeting in high school where my Kiswahili teacher told my guardian that the reason why I wasn’t performing well was because I was often so keen on pleasing everyone else that I failed to notice how I was completely disregarding myself. At the time I thought she was stretching the situation a tad bit too much, but as I look at it now I realize she was spot on. I was so desperate to get people to like me that I would end up putting myself in troublesome situations just so  that someone- anyone would consider me to be part of their squad. And when it wasn't about trying to please my friends, it was about trying to please my teachers or my family; and quite frankly, it was exhausting.

For the longest time I hid the fact that I had a blog, I didn’t want anyone to know because deep down I didn’t think my writing was good enough. And then I thought...what if they don’t like it? What if they think it’s stupid and dumb? Then I’m stupid and dumb which means that I’m an embarrassment, I’m a failure. And let’s face it, the fear of failure is a deep and dark abyss filled with crippling doubts and non-existent monsters. But I’ve made the decision to be done with that. And even as I make this declaration I can hear the ‘what if’s’ and ‘don’t kid yourself’ slowly creeping in from the back of my mind, but someone once told me that there is more value in trying and failing than in not trying at all. So I have to try, and I have to give it my all. 
Having the guts to be your true self definitely takes courage.It’s not easy having to search within yourself for truths that you might not be ready to come to terms with, but I promise you that confronting your truth will open doors that you never even knew existed.So go for it.

Being Shameless to me means daring to dream and dreaming actively and confidently. It means planning and strategizing and sacrificing what you need to, to get to where you need to go and create the life you want. It means being fearless and fierce when all you want to do is run. It means being confident in the belief that what I have to offer is worthwhile and important. So enough with the people pleasing, with the worrying about what everyone thinks, with the shame and the fear. It’s time to start living and to start living shamelessly.