Sunday, October 4, 2015

When I feel unworthy.

Assalam Aleykum Warahmatullahy Wabarakatuh
Hi everyone!

Source (how gorgeous is this image though?)
I always have those days when i feel unworthy,when i sit down and wonder if i can really achieve all that i want to achieve.When i ask Allah (sw) why He chose to give me these dreams and aspirations.Everywhere i look i see amazing people doing amazing things and i can't help but feel so inadequate.I know i shouldn't be comparing myself to others because everyone's journey is different and Allah (sw) blesses people in different ways,but i just can't help it.

Sometimes,that feeling of unworthiness can be paralyzing.Other time's it's the uncertainty and fear.What if i can't handle all these things that i want to achieve?At the same time,i don't want to forsake my goals because of fear.What kind of life would that be? E.E Cummings said," It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are", and quite frankly,i couldn't agree more.The only problem is, i'm not even sure of exactly who i want to be.Everyday i discover new things about myself.I change my mind.I change what i like and what i don't like.I read new books and form new opinions and ideas.I develop new theories about life that people would think to be totally insane but to me they're actually quite accurate.Everyday i learn and i grow Alhamdulillah.

I guess what i'm saying is that i'm scared.I'm scared of how powerful my dreams are and how hard i'm willing to push myself to get there.Because what if i get there,and i don't like it?And i want to change my mind?Will all that hard work,the exhaustion,the tears and sweat be all for nothing?Would i have to start all over again?Am i even cut out for that?

It's true what they say, that our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.That it is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us.I was recently listening to a lecture by Sheikh Zahir Mahmood where he said that believers should have high aspirations.That you maybe a loser to the people,but as long as you stand with Allah (SW),you will never be a loser to Him (sw).And who matters more really?He is the one who blessed you with those dreams and even gave you the strength to want to pursue them.Because honestly,it takes a certain God-given kind of energy to reach for the stars.And not everyone is blessed with that kind of energy.That only comes from Allah (sw).

Then i thought about our beloved Prophet (saw) and how he was sent to mankind as the final messenger.As a mercy to mankind and a warner to the people.Can you imagine being tasked with such a mission?Subhanallah what an amazing man,he took on the challenge head on.Despite the fear,the doubts,the haters and the bad days.Despite everything,he (saw) marched forward and strove to fulfill his goals.And that is my message today.

If you're feeling down know that you're not alone.And if you're feeling confused know that you're not on your own.Your not the first to feel unworthy or to feel afraid and you'll definitely not be the last.Just look at the lives of all the greats,they went through even more that what we go through,yet they never gave up.Which is why we call them 'Greats' today.So don't trip.Keep your head up and keep pushing.The key is to cast those negative thoughts away and keep pushing because yes.YOU ARE WORTHIT.And we are here for a reason and for a season.So lets make it count.Allah (sw) is with us,and if Allah (sw) is with us then we are definitely in good hands.Trust Allah (sw) and remember:

{And when My slaves ask you (O' Muhammad) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he Calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor).So let them obey Me and believe in Me so that they may be led aright}.    [{Qur'an 2: 186}]

This quote was actually given to me by my high school desk mate Charlene,and i just want her to know that i'm really grateful and that She is such a beautiful soul mashaallah.It's from the movie, 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.'

"For what it's worth it's never too late to be who you want to be.There's no time limit,stop whenever you want.You can change or stay the same; there are no rules to this thing.We can make the best or the worst of it.I hope you make the best of it.And i hope you see things that startle you.I hope you feel things you've never felt before.I hope you meet people with a different point of view.I hope you live a life you're proud of.If you find that you're not,i hope you find the strength to start all over again."

And that's all there is to it really.

2 comments:

  1. You are a revolution waiting to happen. give yourself time to occur

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    Replies
    1. I am a revolution.Thank you for that Florence.

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